Tried & True: Michelle & DeanTravel the World (without leaving town)

By Michelle B of Brain-Drops.com:
Dean and I have always loved to travel. Whether it was a spontaneous motorcycle trip to the mountains of North Carolina, spending our honeymoon camping and visiting Disney World, or going half way around the world to meet our daughter; the adventure of a new place was always exciting. 

Our last big trip was actually our move cross country. We had been living in northwest Georgia for 14 years, when the job that brought us there came to an end. It turns out the next job to be offered was at the opposite corner of the country, in Seattle Washington. With all of our belongings packed into POD's, a U haul, and the car, we headed west. Taking our time, visiting Mt Rushmore, Yellowstone, and Wall, South Dakota along the way. 

But since we've been here we haven't had the opportunity to take any trips, so I decided to plan a date around the world as our date night for the week. I originally started by getting out the world atlas and picking different countries that we would want to visit. I was then going to plan the dinner menu around those countries. But an opportunity presented itself that I couldn't pass up.

Having been married for 21 years and having an 11 year old daughter causes date nights take on a different tone these days than when we were first married and childless. This turned out to be one of those times. We made the decision to include our daughter on the first half, (since it was her school function after all) and then continue the second half just the two of us after we dropped her off at home.

Because the area we live in is a culturally diverse area, the school put on an "International Night" to highlight and educate the kids (and parents) about many of the different countries and cultures represented at the school. There were 20 different countries represented at the festival and we learned there are 31 different languages spoken by kids at the school. 

There were performances by the school choir highlighting songs from different countries, other international groups that performed dances native to their countries, different foods for sampling, and a parade of nations to cap off the evening. What a great way to learn about other countries and sample some foods we may not have otherwise had a chance to try. This gave us ideas of places we would like to go, things we would like to see, and more foods to sample (and maybe learn to prepare too).

Next stop, the bookstore. Having learned a little more about all of these different countries, it gave us more direction of the next step we would need to take and that would be the research. Fortunately we have a good bookstore close to home, so we were able to go there after the festivities and take our time browsing the travel section. Looking at maps, travel guides and history books, helped to spur the dream of world wide travel that much more. 

The great thing about this type of date night is it was free. It afforded us the opportunity to share time with our daughter, be an example of a strong marriage to her, and also gave us some time together, just the two of us, sharing and dreaming about something we both enjoy. 

Bio: Dean & I have been married 21 years. We met in 1989, dated for 3 months and married in March of 1990. We adopted our daughter in 2001. While date nights aren't as regular for us as they used to be, we do try to make an effort to still go out just the two of us once a month. This date was a little different, but as I said it was an opportunity that I couldn't pass up. Regardless of how long you've been married, I would say dating your spouse is key to a happy marriage. It helps to keep the communication going and reminds you to focus on the two of you for a little while. Which after so many years of marriage and kids is easy to lose sight of. http://brain-drops.com/

Tried & True: Dominique & Dustin His & Her Dates

Dustin & Dominique are the cutest couple.  They have been married for a year & a half now and the honeymoon phase they are STILL in is infectious.  This last weekend they were both telling me about how they have been investing time and energy in planning each date and taking turns as the planner.  I asked them to send me an email with the details of both dates they each recently planned.  I got the email in my inbox and love how Dominique gives tons of detail and Dustin's plan is simply stated.  Very apropos accounts of his & her date nights, if I do say so myself.

Tried & True: Whittney & Craig On Married Life after Baby

I have heard many call 2011 "The Year of the Baby" and rightfully so.  It seems that every where I look there is a a stroller with a newborn crossing my path or another celebrity pregnant .  It also might just be my impression since I recently had a new bundle of joy earlier this year... As did my sister.  

My sweet sister, Whittney, became a new mother just one month ago.  There is something really neat about watching her in this transition. Not only is she a great mama, but she also holds true to her title as great wife.  Yesterday afternoon I got a chance to chat with her and asked if she would share a little about how she keeps her marriage going strong after the new baby.

Here is what she had to say:

Life after the baby is certainly different.  There is not as much US time anymore.  Craig and I can't just stop and do whatever we want, like drop everything and go out to dinner just because I don't want to cook.  We also used to do our household chores together, like doing the dishes after dinner.  But now, I would much rather do it on my own, so he can go keep an eye on the baby.  (I don't know what it is, but I still can't rest easy if the baby is out of our sight.)

A couple weeks after having our little guy, I decided it would be a good idea to start getting him on a schedule, esp at night so I can get a little more sleep. At 8 o'clock I would begin; I'd feed him, bathe him, dress him, read to him, and finally put him down to sleep.  Then I would be exhausted from the full day of activity and middle of the night feedings, and I would zonk out too, thus leaving very little time for Craig and me to connect.  I could tell after a few days that this wasn't going to work.  Not having connection time was going to wear on us.  

I decided that I needed to be intentional about making some time for us to hang out.  So I moved the baby's routine up earlier.  That way I could put the baby to sleep, and we still had a moment to be together.  The first night I did this Craig made a comment, something like, "Nice, now we get to spend some time together!"  I felt kinda bad, like maybe I had been ignoring him.  

Now, after we put the baby to bed, we make dinner together.  He barbecues while I make the sides, and then we sit down together and talk.  He asks about my day, I ask about his.  I tell him about the baby and he fills me on how work went.  We talk about our future plans and stuff we want to do.  Then we will just relax.  Sometimes we will turn on the tv and see what's on prime time.  Though we are zoning out on television, its nice to just hold hands and know he is right there.    

Even though having a baby can be sometimes stressful and exhausting, it has certainly brought us closer.  I love watching him with the baby and seeing that we created something so beautiful together.  It's also cool watching Craig cus I think he never thought he would have this in his life.  Before me and the baby, he was set in his ways.  He was happy the way things were.  But once we started dating it opened up a whole new world of possibilities.  And so it's cool to watch how he has grown and fallen in love with this new life.  

When asked what advice I have for new parents, I say make sure you find ways to stay connected: have dinner together, write a post-it on the fridge with a sweet message, hold hands.  Oh, and don't be afraid to ask for help.  I tend to be very independent... I have the "I can do this myself" mentality, but it can become exhausting especially with a new baby in the house.  I have learned that it is great bonding time when he helps me with the baby or whatever I am working on.  

The next step?  Well, Craig just asked, "When can we get babysitter and go out for dinner... just the two of us?" 

Um, soon, maybe....

Tried & True: Jamie & Corey The All About Him Date

By Jamie S.

I can't wait to share about Corey and my date, but before I do I have to give you a tiny bit of background.  About a month or so ago, my husband went out of town, which doesn't happen very often... and well, I missed him.  This started me down the trail of what I like to call relationship inventory.  You know, what areas do we have plenty in stock and what areas are we low on.  Date night was the first thing that came to my mind when I thought about the low department.  We had gotten into a rut.  There was nothing new or different happening, and it was all getting kind of boring.  So I prayed and asked God to help give me some inspiration.  Seriously, later that same day I got an e-mail from Tiff asking me to check out her date night blog.  How cool is that!  

So inspired by what I'd been reading here, I came up with the idea to do an all about him date.  I decided I could plan a surprise date that was a night of doing things that I know my hubby enjoys.  My first step once I decided what kind of date we would have was to listen.  By simply listening to Corey, I found out all I needed to about what he would want to do.  It was awesome!  Without even knowing it, he was helping me plan our date around him.  

So last Saturday, the day was finally here.  I had everything planned out, and he had no idea.  When Corey got home from our son's soccer game, I asked him if he would please go get the mail for me.  he looked at me funny and questioned me about why because I am never worried about the mail, but I told him, "Just do it!" and he did.  I had slipped an invitation to our special date in the mailbox.  When he opened it, he was totally surprised.  Again, the best part was he had no idea.  

Once we got the kids off to their overnight destinations (which was Corey's favorite part), we got cleaned up and were off to an evening all about him.  We went to see the movie that Corey had been telling me he wanted to see (Hanna) which he enjoyed.  I personally found it to be slightly disturbing, but it wasn't about me.  Then we picked up dinner at a new Italian market that had just opened near us.  Corey had been telling me how much he wanted to try it.  We got it to go, brought it home, and moved into the next phase of our date which was what I knew Corey wanted the most: an uninterrupted night alone with me.  Much of this part of our date is private ;) But what I can say is we laughed, talked, ate our wonderful Italian food, and enjoyed ourselves very much.  It was all about him that night, but I have to say it was one of the most fulfilling dates we have had in a long time.  I loved it!  I guess that just goes to show it truly is better to give than receive.

Tried & True: Karin & Brandon

By Karin W.

Brandon and I were married in 2000, and I have to confess something before I go much further; I was an awesome wife... before I got married that is.  I had no model for what a marriage looked like -  I was raised on Pretty Woman for Pete's sake.  As you can imagine, my fantasy world was quickly shattered before the ink even had time to dry on our marriage licence.  I thought to myself, "Boy, I've got my work cut out for me with this guy!" 

I am convinced that while marriage is one of THE BEST blessings God gave us, it's also one of the hardest.  You have to surrender and mold into the "oneness" and in our case that took a lot of years, tears, and disappointment.  God quickly points out your brokenness and failures as you dive into the waters of marriage.  We've had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship, with our kids, life threatening diseases, family drama, etc., etc.  We've had it all.  Finally around year 6-7 (yep, you read that right!), we hit a good stride. I think that's the point in which I quit praying for God to change him and started asking God to change me. 

One area that has been the biggest hurdle for me is expectation.  Because of all those great John Hughes movies I had these stupid and unrealistic expectations of what a romance was like.   On top of all that, Brandon hates big events because he feels pressured (probably because of me!) to "get it right".  It's been a bad cycle with us and I've allowed this unrealistic expectation to totally blow up well meaning plans for us (engagement, honeymoon, countless birthdays, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, etc.).

Year ten is a milestone, and so of course, the expectations were high - even though I swore I wasn't going to fall into that pit again.  How many 10 year anniversaries will I ever have?  With 3 kids, 1 dog, 1 cat and activities that keep us apart literally 4 nights out of 7, I wanted something HUGE for us besides the same movie night via Netflix on the sofa again. 

It had been 6 years since we had an overnight date alone without the kids because one of our kids has a disease that is life threatening.  A girlfriend of mine offered to let us stay at her uber hip downtown condo for the night, and she would sleep over at our house.  I thought, "Wow, this is perfect; we wont' be too far in case there is an emergency, and we won't have to spend money!  I'll plan everything so I don't put any expectations on Brandon this year, and I won't be disappointed".  So I plan it and then the week of our date my friend gets sick and has to cancel.  I was heartbroken, but what could I do?  We decided to reschedule, and the next available option was 4 months later.  At this point I'm still hanging on to my "10 Year Anniversary" dream date, so I don't even care that's its 4 months later. I'm on a mission to fulfill this crazy fantasy that "I'll only have once in my lifetime!" (totally forgot I wasn't going to fall into the expectation trap again!).

This past Friday was the big night and I was so excited.  I cut my hair, got it colored, put on make-up, wore grown up clothes (not my "mom clothes").  Girlfriend came over, Brandon came home early, and we booked it.  I think there was even marks left on the drive way from the tires.

We grab an awesome dinner at my favorite Japanese steakhouse and then head downtown to catch the sunset.  We get to the condo, park in the parking garage, then go upstairs for wine and dessert.  About an hour or so later we decide we want to walk a little downtown and people watch so we head to our car so I can grab something, but we notice that the car is not there.  I laughed at first because I thought Brandon was messing with me, but the look on his face quickly made all my giggles leave. We go upstairs and I call my girlfriend and tell her our car is missing.  She calls the front desk of her condo and then calls us back.  Turns out our car was towed and now we had to hunt it down on a Friday night in Austin, Texas.  My girlfriend's parking spot was 86, but what we didn't know is that there are 4 different sections and thus 4 different 86 spots.  We were in someone else's spot and we got our car towed.  We spent the rest of our hot and fab anniversary calling JJ towing, and Brandon hitching a cab to their place and waiting for 2 hours in line to get our car back and paying $250!  While he was gone I drank more wine, baked some cookies I found in girlfriend's fridge, took a bubble bath & sent text message to Brandon.  All of a sudden Netflix was looking REALLY good to me.

I was asleep by the time he got back to the condo, but we woke up early and ate cookies for breakfast and laughed at all the stories he had from people watching at the towing place.  It was in that moment that God spoke to my heart and told me this was good.  This was us, jammies and all, and it was good.  This was our special moment of celebrating our lives together and there was laughter and joy.  Was I going to celebrate with God & Brandon in this moment or still hang on to some expectation that I had been sold as a little girl? 

I feel like God finally broke this stupid expectation within my heart.  I walk away from that date, 4 months past due and totally not at all what I had planned with a new lesson in my heart.  Unrealistic expectations in our partners is just disappointment waiting to happen.  Hopefully it won't take some of you 10 years and 4 months to learn that same lesson. 

Oh, and HAPPY 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY Brandon.  You are my best friend and our life together is so good! 

Tried & True: Sarah & Brian The Emergency Date

This week's featured couple is Sarah & Brian from WoodenAle

written by Sarah M.
Brian and I have now been married eight wonderful months… wahoooo!  We have been very intentional this first year to fight the monotony that comes with our daily routines and busyness.  With that being said, Brian called an emergency date this week.  Here’s what happened…

Both of our work schedules have been all over the place for a few months, which hasn’t allowed us to keep a specific night of the week sacred for going out together.  Last week our schedules were such that we missed each other almost every morning and evening, only to reconvene for midnight snacks and then Zzz’s.  This left us both a little drained and needing some undivided attention from one another.  Sunday afternoon when Brian was done with work he came home and said, “That’s it, we’re going out!” much to my delight. 

Here’s how we started off on the wrong foot… Without really discussing the plans, I started putting on my fancy clothes (which means earrings and no flip-flops) and got prepared for a romantic date.  In the back of my mind I was thinking we could use our Groupon for this quiet Brazilian restaurant, so we could eat and chat the night away.  Brian was thinking how much fun it would be to see a comedy since we haven’t been to the movies since Harry Potter 12, and we could use a light-hearted event.  So we got in the car with our two different plans and started out towards a miserable first 35 minutes of a date (the opposite of what we needed). 

If it could have gone wrong in those 35 minutes, it did.  As we tried to grab a quick bite to eat in order to make it in time to the movie, we were bombarded by Reggae Fest traffic and then found the mobile Thai trailer we wanted to eat at was closed.  At which point, I spoke up about the deeper issue at hand being that we hadn’t communicated well in the beginning, this led to an argument.  As we coasted in to the Alamo Theater it felt less like a date, and more like we had just done P90X for the first time, as we were both worn out and hurting.  I took advantage of the short silence, grabbed his hand and said, “Maybe after the movie we could go somewhere quiet and talk.”  He agreed it was a good idea and we kissed on it.  He held my hand as we got out of the car.  We bounced our way inside the movie and had a really great laugh (and a godfather pizza).  The night ended in front of our neighborhood coffee shop.  We talked until I lost track of how long we had been talking. Date night success was achieved as we both gave in and decided to enjoy what the other one wanted to do.  Hopefully next time we’ll do a better job planning on that ahead of time.